


Living (And Dying) With All The Things That Never Were

by threedices



Series: KHR Rare Pair Week 2020 [5]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Best Friends, Canon Universe, Character Death, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Friendships, Domestic Fluff, Friendship/Love, Future Fic, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loyalty, M/M, Minor Canonical Character(s), Post-Canon, Post-Ten Years Later Arc (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Sad with a Hopeful Ending, Ten Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24925585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threedices/pseuds/threedices
Summary: Human minds are not made for infinite world and just as much knowledge.Byakuran forgets himself and Shouichi is left behind.He's not the only one, though, and sometimes being there for each other is the onlything you can do.
Relationships: Byakuran/Irie Shouichi, Irie Shouichi & Kikyou (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Irie Shouichi & Sawada Tsunayoshi
Series: KHR Rare Pair Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799830
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25
Collections: KHR Rare Pair Week 2020





	Living (And Dying) With All The Things That Never Were

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clockwork_spider](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockwork_spider/gifts).



> This is actually a fic I am very happy with. I interested in the ship through clockworkspider ages ago.  
> I think they're out of KHR fandom for the most part, but without their writing, this wouldn't exist.  
> So a shout out, even if we don't really talk anymore, I have fond memories of being a tumblr newbie and you being really nice. ♡
> 
> Day 6 Cloud Day: Royal AU/Ten Years Later

Sometimes, Byakuran forgets himself.

Shouichi is there to remind him.

They are about the same age they were in a different future and Byakuran will not die of this.

It is just his mind that is fading.

Shouichi has theories, too many to count.

Mostly he believes it is a feedback loop of the transferred memories and the echoes of all the world the other Byakuran assessed.

They're all lucky this Byakuran didn't also go mad.

Or maybe he has in a quieter, slower way, as soon as he met Yuni and fought beside Tsunayoshi.

Maybe they are his destiny and his doom in all the universes.

Shouichi finds it unfair.  
This Byakuran is a ruthless tease not a ruthless dictator.

He didn't deserve this end.

And.  
Shouichi doesn't feel he has done enough to deserve having to watch it.

He can't leave, though.

Love is silly like that.

Even once Byakuran forgets him every day and needs to be reminded, Shouichi can't leave.

Yuni comes to visit.  
Or Tsuna.

Byakuran has an easier time recognising them.

Shouichi tries not be envious.  
It's just because he has fought (and probably killed) them in infinite worlds, that Byakuran remembers them so clearly.  
Deeds like that must leave a vivid trace of memory in his mind.

It's not always good, when Byakuran gathers enough pieces of himself to recognise them.

On bad days, he sometimes rants and raves at Yuni, for leaving (dying) and ruining his plans.

Or screams when he sees Tsuna and the memory of Flames eats him alive.

(It was just one world, but that was enough.)

Tsuna looks vaguely sick then, as if he knows exactly what Byakuran is thinking.

"He didn't, you know. Scream." Tsuna says one day.

Shouichi nods, because he does.  
He has all the awful memories stored in his head, just as Tsuna and the others.  
Practical that.  
Sure.  
Shouichi would still like to have a word with whoever did it and tell them he doesn't need all the details.  
It's anger, but also despair.  
He wouldn't do what other him has done.  
Probably.

He just misses the quiet in his head and the simple anxiety of failing in school.

On one of his most lucid days, Byakuran smiles at him, out of the blue.

"Thank you, Shou-chan. I'm sorry."

Byakuran stays relatively well for the rest of the day.  
It feels like a miracle.  
Or a gift.  
(In hindsight, Shouichi feels like a fool.)

After dinner, he kisses Shouichi goodnight.

"I'm tired," he says, his smile more subdued than Shouichi has ever seen it, but still there.

"It's alright. I can clean up on my own."

Byakuran nods and he looks exactly as he said.  
Tired.  
Exhausted.

Shouichi lets him go.

"See you tomorrow," he calls over his shoulder and begins tidying up.

Byakuran stops in the doorway, shoulders tense.  
"Shou-chan," he begins, and his voice sounds strange, strained and half choked.

"Hm?" Shouichi looks up, just in time to see Byakuran smile, just like he used to.

Shouichi stops what he's doing and can only stare.  
It's a sight he didn't know he missed.

"Thank you, for taking care of me."

Shouichi opens his mouth and wants to say, it wasn't difficult, except it was.

He looks down at the table cloth and the dirty dishes in his hands.  
"I would do it all again," he says instead, feeling completely certain.

Byakuran's smile stretches and it looks like he's hurting.

"Are you ok?"

Shouichi sets the dishes down with a quiet clatter and steps closer.

Byakuran doesn't move.

Maybe he has the same foreboding feeling as Shouichi.  
That, if this day ends, so will Byakuran's memory.

Byakuran exhales a sigh, like he's giving up.

Instead of leaving, he reaches out and cradles Shouichi's face in his hands.

"Come up with me."

The words are soft and quiet, neither an order nor a demand.

Shouichi wants to, but. "The dishes..."

For the first time in ages, Byakuran looks like his old self. He pouts.  
"Forget the dishes, do me."

He smirks when Shouichi splutters and turns cherry red.

"Or don't." He kisses Shouichi's nose. "Let's just cuddle until we sleep. Your choice."

Byakuran's smile is charming, but without all the danger of Before.

Shouichi sighs. If he's being honest, he feels tired as well.

"Let's go to sleep. Everything will be better the next day, right?"

It's fishing for reassurances, but he can't help himself. He's paranoid.  
The memories messed him up.  
And Byakuran did, too, but, to be fair, those memories messed up Byakuran so much more.

They are broken in similar ways and there's no way to fix them.

Shouichi wants to think about nothing for a while, so he leaves the dishes on the tables.  
They will still be there tomorrow.

(That's when he could have asked, but he didn't want to know. He was too scared Byakuran would answer.)

He follows Byakuran up the stairs to Byakuran's bedroom, exchanges sleep clothes, so they'll have something the other has worn, even in sleep and gets ready for bed beside Byakuran in front of their bathroom mirror. 

Then they crawl into Byakuran's bed together, in wordless coordination, somehow agreeing that his bed will be the right choice tonight.

Shouichi feels a bit bad, but he doesn't like to share his own bed.  
There's a difference if it is Byakuran's.

Byakuran is like an octopus around him, arms around his torso and one leg thrown over and between Shouichi's.

His hair tickles Shouichi's face, when Byakuran hides his face in Shouichi's neck, heaving a contented sigh that makes Shouichi shiver.

"Are you alright with this, Shou-chan?"

He doesn't usually ask.

"It's alright." As if there was anything else he could say, when Byakuran's like this.  
Considerate and yet himself.  
Once, that would have been a contradiction.

All this puts Shouichi in a gentler mood, though, and he kisses the shock of white hair tickling his nose.

Byakuran giggles.

It's such a genuinely happy sound that it makes Shouichi smile.

He feels warm and contented and begins to drift off.

"I love you," Byakuran suddenly says, in the hollow of his throat, where his breath fans over Shouichi's skin.

Shouichi is barely awake, but he mumbles back, "of course." And, "I love you, too, you know?"

Byakuran's laughter is a quiet huff of air and tickles.  
"I do."

Just when Shouichi is falling asleep, Byakuran whisper against his ear, "you're one of the best things that ever happened to me."

Shouichi falls asleep with a smile.

Shouichi feels trapped when he wakes the next morning.  
He is touching something cool.  
A heavy weight is on top of him.

He screams, when he opens his eyes and his sleepy brain finally puts all the facts together.

Byakuran looks peaceful in death.

Shouichi scrambles out of bed, throws up and cries until he throws up again.

He knew, Shouichi realises with something between betrayal and horror.  
That selfish jerk.

He immediately feels bad about thinking that and calls Tsuna, who will at least be sympathetic.

Shouichi needs sympathy right now.

He ends up sitting at the dinner table until Tsuna arrives, with Takeshi in tow.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Tsuna says, and awkwardly pats Shouichi's shoulder.

Takeshi's smile is sad, but understanding.

Shouichi nods. "He knew. He was lucid enough to say goodbye. I woke up beside him in bed and it was awful. I love him. What am I going to do know?"

All those fractured sentences are not enough to convey how he feels.  
Devastated. Shattered.  
Like there's a hole in his gut that is slowly widening and will devour him like a black hole. 

Tsuna stays with him, puttering around the kitchen, while Takeshi... checks the body.

Byakuran is gone, after all.  
Why call it anything else?

There's a cup of tea in front of him that he's just burnt his mouth with.

Tsuna smiles sadly at him. "I really am sorry."

Shouichi stares. He believes Tsuna, of course.  
If anyone can forgive and mourn his former enemies, it's Tsuna.

Somehow, that thought makes Shouichi cry.  
He doesn't bother being brave or put together and cries his heart out on Tsuna's shoulder, while Tsuna murmurs things like, 'there there' or 'I'm here, don't worry.'

At least he doesn't say, it's going to be ok.

Maybe it will be, but Shouichi doesn't want to hear it.

They hold the funeral a week later, preparations helped along by Tsuna's and Yuni's combined influence.

Shouichi feels flat and empty.

Nobody congratulates him.  
That must have taken more effort than getting the funeral done in a week.

In the end, Kikyou drives him home.

Tsuna had offered, but...

Kikyou is grieving, too.  
Somehow.  
After everything.

They don't crash. 

Shouichi tells himself he isn't disappointed.

Kikyou makes dinner, which Shouichi only realises once it's in front of him.

His awareness is awful.  
Someone could kill him.  
He doesn't think he'd care.

Kikyou glares at him with vaguely bloodshot eyes.

"Don't you dare."

"I have no idea what you mean." Shouichi feels a sliver of irritation. "I'm not doing anything."

"And you won't. We'll come to visit. All of us."  
He pauses, tilts his head sharply. "Well, Bluebell needs a bit of time. But the rest of us."

His words are sharp, quick, angry. He doesn't look at Shouichi.

Shouichi blinks, then sighs. "I don't need a suicide watch."

Kikyou glares, unimpressed. "I don't care what you think. I promised him."

Ah, that's it then. 

Shouichi feels too tired to fight about it, all of the sudden.

"I don't, I don't want to sleep here tonight."

Kikyou's eyes are piercing. "We can get you a hotel room and take care of packing."

It's a good offer. 

Shouichi considers it long enough to feel like a coward.

He is ready to refuse, when he thinks of living here, alone, in a house they bought and furnished together.  
The thought terrifies him.  
He blinks back tears and nods wordlessly.

When he looks up again, Kikyou's eyes have softened.  
He looks a hair's breadth away from falling apart himself.

Now Shouichi feels really bad.

"I can ask Vongola."

Kikyou bristles. "No," he says, with haughty pride, "he was our Sky. Would you really want them to meddle in this?"

Shouichi is torn between numbness and soul crushing grief, so yes, he would.  
He understands what Kikyou means, though.  
Byakuran was theirs and the Vongola can never quite understand how they feel.

Their Sky never used them and spit them out in another future that only a handful of them remember.

(Or, at least, with only the best of intentions and not for his own amusement, because he'd gone mad. )

Shouichi sighs again, rubbing his eyes.  
"Should we call a taxi? You're tired, too, aren't you?"

Kikyou huffs. "I'll call Zakuro. He's a hothead, but useful enough. He'll come."

A few hours later, Shouichi sits not in a hotel room, but in Daisy's spare bedroom and listens to the argument between Kikyou and Zakuro if they really need to do this for him.

Zakuro is against it, Kikyou, ever loyal to Byakuran, wants to help.

"That guy's not our Sky. He isn't even truly one of us. He betrayed us."

Shouichi would feel worse about everything Zakuro said, if he wasn't so numb.  
He wonders idly, if Kikyou secretly drugged him and considers thanking him.

"He was. Now he is one of us. I'm not going to go against his orders, his last damned wish, just because you're holding a grudge over something that never happened, in a future that never was."

It's not quite accurate, but Shouichi is more stuck on how Byakuran obviously made his Guardians swear to take care of Shouichi after his death.  
It's weirdly sweet.

Sharp, quick staccato steps near Shouichi's room, until Kikyou pulls the door open with vicious force.

"You ok, there?" His tone is angry, but dulled.

With a shrug Shouichi says, "you don't have to do this. Especially, if it causes friction with the others."

Kikyou interrupts him with an impatient slash through the air.  
"You don't get to tell me what to do. He asked me and the others, and I will see this through. Even if I have to do it alone."

Something fragile shines in Kikyou's eyes, then, and it compels Shouichi to say, "but you aren't alone."

It earns him a surprisingly soft smile, watery but grateful.

They spend the night at Daisy's, before Kikyou drags him off again.

"Where are we going now?" Shouichi asks, only half interested.

Kikyou shrugs. "Somewhere."

Shouichi feels something like a smile threaten. "Like a roadtrip?"

Kikyou rolls his eyes, but agrees gamely. "Like a roadtrip."

It isn't the worst thing to do while grieving and at least he isn't doing it alone.

Misery loves company, after all, Shouichi thinks wryly and only slightly wretched.

Maybe they're really going to be ok.


End file.
